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Setting the Mood — 8 Comments

  1. Sadly, my son’s youth soccer team just went through a similar incident, including the coach being grumpy and yelling at the kids, and a parent who decided to pull his son in the ‘middle’ of a game. Losing in the 3rd quarter, 0:4, was probably a major mitigating factor, but at 5 & 6 y.o., they’re nowhere near World Cup quality. The coach ended up /gquit and the parent who left, brought his son back for practices. The worst part of all of it, no one said anything sooner. There were evidently grumplings for quite some time. /shrug “who knew?”

    I think a little conversation, earlier on, could have saved a LOT of frustration later on. Maybe someone should have ‘called it’ sooner, maybe a little brewfest beer and mini-zep passes would have lightened the mood before it all exploded.

    • I do find it interesting somehow how one person’s mood can affect so many. I agree that it’s probably always best if things are brought up sooner and maybe something can be prevented (both in a raid setting and in cases like your son’s soccer team).

  2. We had one of those nights last night; must have been the phase of the moon or something. Nobody ragequit, but one person drifted in just late enough to skip trash clearing because he’d been off socializing, the raid leader set up a bunch of ‘don’t you dare do this or I’m leaving the game’ rules, and we made negative progress on something that seems like it should be an easy fight for us.

    We’re going again tonight; I’m hoping it goes a lot better.

    • I agree that the raid leader must check their attitude at the door every night in order for the raid to be successful. But the members of the raid need to always remember how much is being asked of the raid leader. Hiding a bad mood in raid is a LOT easier if you don’t have to do any of the talking, or field 15 whispers in the first 3 minutes of logging on. We ask our leaders to be perfect, and as a result, we need to give them greater-than-average slack on the days they can’t pull it off. When people would complain about being yelled at by our old raid leader, our guild leader would always gently point out that the RL is doing a job that no one else wants.

      Also, the presence of any comment like “or I’ll quit” is a huge warning sign of burnout. Presuming that person is usually even-tempered and not dramariffic, comments like that should not be overlooked — it indicates that their patience in the role is wearing thin, not just their patience that day. Try to offer your raid leader a night off, or start a rotation of RLs now, even if the “trainees” aren’t very good at first. Or find if there are aspects of their job that can be outsourced (sending invites, handing out consumables, doing healing assignments, whatever). I’ve seen so many people go from running a guild to straight-up quitting the game — take steps now to ensure that doesn’t happen to you!

      • Oh, being a raid leader is definitely an unthankful job and I’m glad it’s something I seldom have to do myself. This night was a much worse mood than normal, and it was just grating for everyone.

        I think it would be bad for a raid if anyone is in a horrible mood and letting it be known, it’s just more noticable if you’re the raid leader (since as you say, they have to keep talking and are leading everyone else).

        In general I just find it interesting how dependant we all are on each other in a raid setting as a group – one person’s mood can set the mood for the entire group.

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